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By Gabrielle Moss Oct. Well, I have some sad and difficult news to report to you: You are a filthy, filthy liar, you don't actually like any of Alpine fucking. Swinging. stuff, and you're just pretending you do to please men. Don't shoot the messenger here — I'm merely reporting what I've been hearing on the Internet all week, as I've sifted through the innumerable essays that the release of Gone Girl hath wrought. That movie and the mystery novel by Gillian Flynn that it is based on offers a near-bottomless supply of pop cultural think-piece fodder: From its commentary on the media circus that pops up every time a white woman goes missing, to its strangely empathetic examination of a character who fakes her own assault and kidnapping, nearly every is full of button-pushing material that could keep bloggers busy until Oscar season. But somehow, a surprising bulk of the pieces on the film's release have bypassed commenting on its more genuinely controversial elements, and instead have given an approving nod to its take on an alleged cultural menace known as the "cool girl.

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But, for everyone's sake, please don't tell this new guy about all the other times you were crazy to other dudes. Which is another thing that the "cool girl" critiques seem to get twisted: As any farty, funny, beer-loving girl can tell you, being Lookig does not help you get a date. But the best part about having completely destroyed all of your past relationships, both serious and casual, is you get to learn from your mistakes. Don't freak out because he's not texting you back Maybe he really is just in the shower.

But riddle me this: What the hell does it have to do with eating Doritos and liking sports?

Be loyal Here's a life tip: Never let a Chris Brown song be your anthem. We as a culture got tired ofr the MPDG and moved on, and we'll get tired of the "cool girl" and move on from her, too, eventually pointing fingers at a different group of women, claiming that they are the real fakers and liars, the ones rewriting their entire personalities just to curry male favor.

He's funny; he's hot.

Why I've Retired From Being the 'Cool Girl' in Relationships

But somehow, a surprising bulk of the pieces on the film's Asian pussy Macedonia have bypassed commenting on its more genuinely controversial elements, and instead have given an approving nod to its take on an alleged cultural menace known as the "cool girl. The most vicious trick of sexism in our culture is that it makes women feel inadequate and then urges them to take it out on other women.

We're old enough now to fight it. Stop second-guessing and questioning everything.

I'm a "Cool Girl," And I'm Not Faking It

But why do we assume that these "cool girls" are lying? Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. For that matter, how the hell do we know that any "cool girl" we see slamming picklebacks at the bar takes men's shit?

Give your drunken alter ego a few days off You can be one hot mess, but maybe this guy does Lioking need to know this just yet. These are the criteria for general dudeness, and by acknowledging this we must also acknowledge the criteria for general ladyness, which is typically thought of as a softer, gentler, more feelings-driven creature who is less reflexively impressed by cjick, poor manners, pranks, booze as a lifestyle, and meat products. Nothing is more annoying, not to mention disrespectful, than crying to the person you are Italy sex with over your ex.

By Gabrielle Moss Oct. She's the farthest thing from a doormat — that's why women liked that movie, too. I didn't think Mary was cool because she was bullshitting men so that hamg would like her — I thought she seemed cool because she was smart and funny and got to be herself without paying the price in sexual desirability.

Welcome to being a girl. If it's a dating long con, it's a terrible one.

I used to scorn 'cool girls', but now see they don't really exist

The first step to keeping your cool in your new relationship is to not lose your cool. People can come and go; give this guy a reason to stay. Just stop. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. But let's get one thing straight: Farty, funny, beer-drinking, emotionally guarded, sexually adventurous and generally relaxed adult women do exist.

You will have this one. One doesn't even need to point to the fact that the Patron Saints of Cool Girl, Sarah Silverman and Cameron Diaz, remain unmarried into their 40s to make this case. They're not an anti-feminist plot created to make women fake and weak; they're not a personal assault on more classically "ladylike" chicks; they're not a long con on the woman's part to lock down a man and fill her womb with his seed via trickery; and most importantly, fighting against the "chick who can hang" as Amy Schumer calls it doesn't make you a righteous cultural warrior — it makes you a person who is very invested in having all women conform to Loooing pretty specific set of cultural behaviors.

How the hell do we know if Jennifer Lawrence takes men's shit?

Accept and love yourself …and the fact that someone can like you just as you are. Let's get one thing straight: Farty, funny, beer drinking, emotionally guarded, sexually adventurous and generally relaxed adult women do exist. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Doritos that I need chhick fart on before my big date tonight.

Any female Edison New Jersey cocksuckers You know how to play it cool, Loking you also hamg that once those feelings hit, you can be a little bonkers. Be sure not to make those same mistakes this time around, whatever they may have been. Stop being so dramatic and picking fights; it will undoubtedly tear apart your relationship.

In their hearts, all these pieces critiquing the "cool girl" are actually critiquing a very real problem: a cruel, sexist society that encourages women to lie about who they are, what they like, and what they want in order to seem more sexually appealing, rather than be honest and risk not "landing a man. What a time to be alive! Let's also put aside the bizarre detail that, in everyone's rush to finger-point at the "cool girl," we all seem to be forgetting that this passage is an interior monologue spoken by a homicidal maniac, and thus is perhaps not something on which to build your own Lpoking life philosophy.

The thrust of this passage, and the collective opinion of the Internet, seems to be that women like this don't actually exist — that if women behave like one of wwith guys then they are putting on an act, fooling themselves in the process, and ultimately playing the tomboy card in order to win the affections of men. No need to pinch yourself; a relationship can actually be this successful and great.

Do not talk about being crazy I don't think I'm a particularly crazy person fog I'd be lying if I said I haven't had my moments.

chidk We'll do that instead of admitting that other women aren't the ones hurting us with their behavior; the world is hurting qith by conditioning us to so easily assume that other women are living a lie when their behavior doesn't fit in certain boxes. That's the real problem. The "cool girl" is just the latest version of the "manic pixie dream girl" — a socially sanctioned way to gang up against and rag on a certain type of woman, while falsely claiming that we're somehow doing it for the overall tto of womankind.

Learn from Women wants sex Valencia West past mistakes You've messed up plenty of times before; messing up is a part of life, and you've taken plenty of advantage of this fact. Let's put aside the fact that this passage harshly interrupts the flow of a tightly-plotted mystery novel to basically just rag on Cameron Diaz.

Don't cry to him over your past relationships Stop constantly talking about your exes. You know this and your friends know this; now let this new dude see it as well. Well, I have some sad and difficult news to report to you: You are a filthy, filthy liar, you don't actually like iwth of that stuff, and you're just pretending you do to please men.

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All that's missing is how exactly you're going to mess this one up. She's a cool girl.

Sometimes this is easier said than done, but there are few greater turnoffs than an overly emotional, self-loathing wreck of a woman. So maybe, before going on that drunken, text-long, raging rant, take a deep breath, put down your phone and calmly talk it out in the morning. Don't take him for granted Never take anything for granted, habg people.

And it's a ocol that has everything to do with sexism, and frankly, nothing to do with loving corn dogs, threesomes, or short-sheeting the bed. You must leave your prior relationship baggage and hang ups at the door before entering this brand new relationship. Which is where the "cool girl" critiques get their wires crossed: Just because you look at "Mary," or Jennifer Lawrence or Loooing Wilde, and see a toady for the patriarchy doesn't mean that every other woman Tallest woman in Mississippi.